Sunday, June 3, 2012

raw emotions...

When we walked through the adoption process it was VERY important to us that we share the good, the bad, and the ugly.... giving God the glory and being honest so those that felt called after us would know the truth. As we've reflected on the last several months of preparing to move to Guatemala it hit us that we may not have been sharing all the raw emotions that we've experienced... so, here goes nothin!


We've been trying to help our sweet boy process all that is happening in his little life by counting down the days.... and although he seems very happy in this video, it has been H.A.R.D. He walks up to us on a daily basis with something in his hands... varying from his towel to his trucks to whatever he finds in the cabinets and shouts, 'momma... take to Guatemala' with a puzzled look on his face.... and sometimes I have the pleasure of saying, 'yes baby, you can bring that with us'.... while other times I hold back the tears and explain to him that something he loves dearly will not fit on the airplane.

Don't get me wrong, the opportunities we've had to share with him that Jesus doesn't care about our stuff, He only cares about our heart have been amazing.... the excitement in our heart of raising him in a culture that isn't saturated with materialism is thrilling... but when you think about all that this sweet boy has endured in the 2 1/2 years of his life, telling him that he can't take something he is attached to is ROUGH!

This journey has been truly amazing.... the lessons the Lord has taught us can't be described on this here blog... we are still trying to process most of them! What we can tell you is that while there has been INDESCRIBABLE joy, there has also been incredible heartache!

It's not the stuff that we care about.... selling our belongings has actually been very healthy and freeing.... selling our home on the other hand, was hard. As we pulled away the last day, we both fought back the tears and waved goodbye knowing that this was the ONLY home our children had ever known... knowing that it would be months, possibly a year before we settle into anything we'll be able to call home. We're moving into a dorm-style room with all 4 of us in 1 room... and while we truly don't mind, it is hard to feel settled with everything rapidly changing.

Stop for a minute. Truly stop what you are doing right now. Think about all the things that you cling to. Your home. Your cars. Your sports. Your {insert your things}. Think about saying goodbye too ALL of these things... only taking the things you truly NEED to survive, those things that will fit in a few suitcases...

While we are incredibly HUMBLED and completely THRILLED to have been called to this journey, we know it is important to share that it can be tough. There are days where our excitement is overflowing and we can't wait to hop on that plane... and days where we fight back the tears until our children are in bed and sit on the couch and cry...

Beyond all the possessions though are relationships.... it has really been quite the journey to hold tight to friendships and family members that we hold so dear.... while painfully letting go of some that do not support our decision. When you say YES to Jesus, you WILL face opposition, the world WILL tear you down, and you WILL be under attack... in ways you never imagined! Those that support us have been INCREDIBLE... watching our children while we speak at churches, giving us gift cards to local restaurants and grocery stores, providing matching donations, and allowing us to stay in an apartment rent free... God has provided EVERY STEP OF THE WAY! The body of Christ has TRULY come together to fulfill HIS purposes... and it has been AMAZING!

We are SO thankful that we are able to see God working through all of this because there have also been some relationships that no longer exist and some that have been through great pain because of our decision to move to Guatemala. The world thinks us Jesus-lovers are crazy... insane really... we've been told that our children will not be safe... that we should NOT take them out of the country... that we can't serve as a family... that raising them around those with HIV is dangerous... the list goes on.

BUT HERE IS WHAT REALLY MATTERS.... we are saying YES to Jesus... and He will take care of the rest. Are we scared... YES! We leave in 18 days and have TONS of loose ends to tie up... still need about 38 people to sponsor us at $30 p/mo... and have to say goodbye to the ones we love. BUT Jesus.... So think about what is holding you back from what HE is calling you to do.... is it fear? is it opposition from others? is it money? is it your job? whatever it is, submit it to the ONE who supplies for ALL of our needs! 

So here we are.... EIGHTEEN days out..... EIGHTEEN!!!!! My heart beats faster EVERY time I say it, even type it. We aren't ready... we'll never be truly ready.... there will never be enough time to raise money... there will never be enough time to finish those last minute things.... and there will NEVER be enough time to truly say goodbye to our friends and family.... but if we wait until WE are ready, we'll never go... our humanness will take over and we'll never step out of the boat!

So, here's our challenge... ask Jesus what HE is calling you to do.... to step out of your comfort zone.. out of the boat... and trust HIM! Join us in prayer that HE supplies for the rest of our needs, including the remaining financial supporters we need in order to leave!

We love you all... we wish we could visit each one of you in person and give you the goodbye that you deserve!

4 comments:

  1. SO PROUD OF YOUR FAITH!!! Love you guys!!!

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  2. SO INCREDIBLE! I love you guys and I am in tears. What a great example you are and I am so grateful for what God has done in my heart by His work through you!

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  3. Thank you for sharing your real emotions. We are here for you with prayers and lifting you up!

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  4. I can totally relate to what you are sharing. Although we only moved across the country we had much grief. People did not understand, we were selling our beloved house, others (and us sometimes) thought we might just be nuts. He is faithful and He will bring healing and life in abundance. He will meet your needs in ways you cannot yet see. Prayers and hugs.

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