Thursday, April 22, 2010

Journal #1

My dear babies,
Tonight I lay here in pain, a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can't seem to overcome.... a feeling of loss before gain, a feeling I can't quite comprehend or describe. As I wait for you, I strive to worship in the wait, I strive to prepare in the wait, and I strive to be at the feet of the Cross while I wait. 
But tonight... tonight I'm overwhelmed by the love in my heart for you babies! I'm scared that I'll make lots of mistakes, but more scared of waiting any longer to hold you and care for you. It's a pain unlike anything I've experienced... after all, how can we grieve for such an exciting time as being expectant parents. Well, babies, I tell you, I am grieving. I'm grieving for your birth mother, your birth father, and for any other birth family you may have... I'm grieving that they will never get to know you the way that I will get to. I'm grieving for their loss and most of all, for their souls. 
Babies, I love you more than I can describe. I knew that a mother's love was intense, but had no idea. I haven't even met you yet, and I can't put into words my love for you. 

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